


Lost Stars

by trickytrinket



Series: An Encounter [1]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Doctor's life, Doctor/Patient, F/M, Friendship, Humour, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-03 07:50:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4092931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickytrinket/pseuds/trickytrinket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yvonne Burnley had Tom Hiddleston as her patient once ago but she left England for a trip around Asia before she got the chance to contact him again. Little did she know, what happened during her trip to Asia would turned her life around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my lovely readers! So I decided to create this companion series to An Encounter before diving into the next part of the story. Because what happened during Yvonne's trip in Cambodia needs to be addressed separately. And Tom would only make a tiny appearance during the end of this series, and a mention here and then. 
> 
> So, hang on tight because this one is a bumpy ride. And here is the link to the face claim I use for the doctors in the same team as Yvonne graymindlove.tumblr.com/post/120805082134/back-story-for-my-ofc

**25 December 2012**

For normal people, most things they did today were having a late morning as the after effect of the Christmas feast from the night before or having a leftover cake for breakfast with sugar content that would be too high by the daily standard. After all, today was Christmas day, the only day when you found the city of London deserted, resembling the situation in those apocalyptic movies.

But the word normal didn’t apply to Yvonne. Instead of celebrating, Yvonne left her flat at Hampstead that morning. Forcing herself to brace the cold London winter before heading straight to UNICEF House at Great Sutton Street since it was now less than 24 hours before Yvonne, along with other doctors, embarked on their journey to help those unfortunate children around South and South-East Asia.

“You’re not late,” Professor Alistair Gibson remarked, handing her a cup of coffee

Yvonne took the cup gratefully. Letting the aroma from the cup hit her nostrils before taking a sip, “Thank you, Professor. Yeah, I gave you a head-up for my lateness. Fortunately I got home before midnight. Way earlier than my expectation. I just need a little caffeine in my system before functioning as usual. Anyway, happy Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas. So, you spent Christmas eve with your Nanna at Hampshire?” Professor Gibson opened up their conversation as the both of them waited for the elevator.

Hearing that question, her brow shot up, “Do I have anyone else to spend my Christmas?”

“How about your boyfriend?”

“We broke up,” Yvonne locked eyes with her professor. “And I’d rather to not talk about him. How do you find this tasty brew, Professor?”

“You know I always have a secret stash of coffee bean in my office, Burnley,” Professor Gibson answered. He gave her a knowing look as if sharing an inside joke with his former student.

Yvonne almost choked on her coffee, “What? You come here straight from Imperial? Don’t you spend your Christmas eve with you children?”

“My daughter is in New York as we speak and my son is still off somewhere in Nepal to search for the meaning of life. So, this old man spent his Christmas eve alone,” Professor Gibson told her his story as both of them stepped into the elevator.

As the elevator made its ascent, Yvonne remained silence while finishing her liquid breakfast. Professor Alistair Gibson lost his wife, a fellow physician, after a rigorous battle against cancer right before Yvonne began her study at Imperial. Professor Gibson finally came to term that there was nothing much he could do to save her. The medication would keep her alive but it snatched away all of their happiness and pushed them to their breaking point. In the end, his wife pleaded for him to stop all the chemotherapy. It was devastating for them, but at least by doing that they could still treasure his time with her, along with his family.

“This is it then,” Yvonne mused with a sharp intake of breath as the elevator made its stop to the destined floor.

“Come on, Burnley. Let’s meet the rest of the team,” Alistair cocked his head, signaling Yvonne to follow him.

Entering the meeting room, Professor Gibson made his way around the room, greeting, and shaking hand. Yvonne felt like a duckling as she kept trailing behind the professor as he socialized with the other attendees of the meeting.

It was when someone patted her on the shoulder, Yvonne whirled her head around to face the person who she assumed was intended to get to know her.

“You must be Doctor Yvonne Burnley. My name is Greta Tulley, just finished my degree from University of College London,” said a woman with brunette hair, her fringe almost covering her beady blue eyes.

Yvonne shook Greta’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Greta,”

Greta gave Professor Gibson a nod as they passed the professor, “I met Professor Gibson around a month ago when he interviewed me for this position. He told me you are one of the best students he ever taught.”

Yvonne took no notice of Greta’s comment, “The thing about Professor Gibson is he loves to exaggerate sometimes.”

“There will be five of us, yourself included, in this trip. Professor Alistair Gibson is the leader or the person in charge,” Greta explained as she half-dragged Yvonne to introduce her to the others.

“Good morning, Doctor Nicholls,” The woman with dark blonde hair turned her head and smiled at both of them, then Greta greeted the scruffy-faced man who was sitting next to Doctor Nicholls. “Morning, Doctor Locke.”

“Morning to you too, Greta. Always so chipper in the morning. You must be Yvonne Burnley! I’m Diana Nicholls from Great Ormond Street,” Diana introduced herself.

Facing Greta, Diana added, “I thought I’d be surrounded by men here. Thank God! I was wrong!”

“You and me both!” Greta exclaimed, bouncing on her feet. Judging from her keyed-up behaviour, Yvonne would not be surprised if this girl had a gallon of caffeine for her breakfast.

Following Diana’s introduction, a trace of Irish accent chimed in to the conversation, “Yvonne Burnley! It’s nice to finally put a face to a name! I’m Heath Locke, also coming from the same place as Diana.”

Yvonne was overwhelmed with the response she got from her new colleagues, “I’m a little behind when it came to accepting this offer and honestly I don’t know what Professor Gibson told you guys about me, but I assure you I’m not much different than you guys. It’s truly my honour to be in this trip with y’all. And before we start this meeting, merry Christmas and thank you for spending this festive in each other company.”

An officer from UNICEF barged into the room and started the briefing. Covering loads of topic, from the purpose of the mission to the place they will be visited. And before they headed home, each of the doctors got a ticket for their flight from Heathrow tomorrow morning and together they will begin their life-changing trip.

***

**31 December 2012**

When the clock almost struck midnight and their patients were home and safe, the doctors were left to chattering around the bonfire with a can of beer on their hand. This was their sole chance to unwind after a spending the week adapting to the limitations they faced in West Bengal.

“No, you can’t keep sharing something that’s career-related. This time it has to be a personal tidbit. Come on, Yvonne! Don’t be a spoilsport!” Greta screamed out.

“Humour us, Yvonne!” Diana groaned in frustration because of Yvonne’s reluctance to join in their sharing session over the bonfire as they wait for the New Year.

“I seconded them! Take this as a chance to let out your inner demon or whatever those are. That way there will be a whole new you who are more than ready to tackle down 2013!” Heath added, chugging down his beer.

Yvonne turned to the oldest member in the team, her eyes pleading silently for his help. But instead of assisting her, Professor Gibson just shrugged off his shoulders.

Seeing there’s no point to keep avoiding those questions from her colleague, Yvonne sighed, “I visited my Nanna at Hampshire before Christmas.”

“Hmm. Does that mean you are single?” Heath pondered.

“What’s with the sudden interest, Heath? Do you fancy me?” Yvonne gave her sardonic response.

“Curiosity, Burnley.”

Glaring at Heath, Yvonne added, “We broke up mid December,” Yvonne took a moment to compose her next answer. “Both sides are to blame, but it’s me who was in denial. Well, my friends keep forcing me to end thing with him but apparently in this relationship, I’m the idiot for believing in him. Telling myself all those lies that our relationship will survive, you know. It’s just like hitting another rough patch. But it’s too late.”

Yvonne blinked back her tears. Sure, she cried in Isaac’s arms for hours after the breakup. But to say it out loud in front of the people she just knew for less than a week, this felt like a weight has been lifted off from her shoulders.

Greta grabbed her hand, “If he left you, then that’s his lost, Yvonne. He is not for you and there are still plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Our sea is vast and most part of it is yet to be explored. So, don’t give up hope just yet,” Heath concealed his smirk behind his hand.

“Okay, now I’m afraid. Please tell me it’s not what I think it is,” Yvonne casted a shift gaze at Diana. Those two had their own secret code.

Seeing her friend’s attitude, Diana rolled her eyes, “Oh Heath, don’t go there.”

Heath played a clueless look, “What? You know I love playing cupid, Di.”

“Bloody hell. Don’t you dare doing that, Heath,” Yvonne threw a twig at his direction, causing Heath to yelp.

“Why the hell not, Burnley?” Not letting her go easily, Heath decided to challenge her.

His question stunned Yvonne to silence. Yeah. He was right. _Why the hell not, Burnley?_ She repeated it inside her head. Finding the answer to that question didn’t take long for her as her mind wandered to what happened on the first week of December, the first time she met that actor. Tom Hiddleston. If she said he was not affecting her in any way then she was telling lies. She enjoyed their banter and she still remembered vividly the disappointment in his face when she told him she was still together with Scott. Then she recalled that one last time she saw him when he was out and about with his family, preparing for their Christmas festive in the middle of Convent Garden. All will be good in due time, that’s the exact words she was telling to herself as she walked away from him without giving him a second look. Truth is there’s a tiny part of her, hidden somewhere, that kept on hoping maybe they will be another chance to meet Tom under different circumstances.

“I know that expression! She has someone in mind,” Diana cut the silence.

Flustered with her statement, all Yvonne could say was, “What do you mean?”

“When you get that chance to be with him, do not hesitate. Otherwise it will be too late,” Much to her surprise, that suggestion came from Professor Gibson.

Taking notice of her confused look, Professor Gibson continued, “I know all of you join this team because you want to have a firsthand experience of the real situation of people struggling for their life without a proper medical help and source. We are here to improve their life, to save those babies and their mothers and help those malnourished children,” Professor Gibson watched the expression across the face of the younger doctors around him. “And I know there are more than those academic reasons. There’s something we have in common – we all feel lost and we see this trip as a chance to rediscover a new purpose in life. When this trip came to an end, we all won’t be the same person as before. Believe me.”

Professor Gibson’s speech was followed with a blaring sound in the distance and fireworks lighted up the dark sky. The doctors cheered at the same time, “Happy new year!”

Yvonne finished off her beer, and then she looked up as the fireworks continued their dance. This was the trip for the wandering souls and whatever she became after this trip ended, it would be all her choices and decisions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lost of someone dear to Yvonne during her time away in Cambodia instigated a chain of events that would change Yvonne's life forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep on telling myself I need to finish Yvonne's backstory before continuing with the main story, so here it is. . And the writing in this story is a little different from my usual style, you can call this one is more personal and emotional. I did as much research as possible in writing this story, I hope this explained Yvonne's behaviour in the main story so far.   
> TRIGGER WARNING: characters death, wildfire, mentions of traumatic experience (anxiety, panic attack, PTSD).

**February 2013**

Before she decided to take up this opportunity, people constantly asked Yvonne why she chose to say yes to her professor’s proposition. According to them, nobody in their right mind would go willingly into the other part of the world - somewhere without a proper sanitation and lacking modern entertainment. For Yvonne, this was not a question about her sanity. For her, this was her chance to make the most of herself.

On the contrary with those blockbuster movies that Margot loves with all her heart, what Yvonne had seen so far in this trip was real. There was no trick, no green screen involved in this situation. Man can’t fly, dinosaurs are extinct but these children – they are sick. Their future already left hanging in the balance and Yvonne, along with her team, could change that future. With their works here, they could put a smile on those children’s faces.

There’s another thing that always been bothering Yvonne’s mind, that immortality did not exist. And human certainly can't live forever. Our life has its limit. Sooner or later, it will reach its saturation point. After that who knows where we would end up. Heaven or hell, nobody knows for sure. What’s matter is everyone has their own time. It could be short or it could be lengthy.

So, when Yvonne received that phone call from London all she could say was, "Okay, I will be home soon."

Her Nanna was 85. She was a daughter, a sister, a nurse, a wife, a mother, as well as a grandmother. And last night was her last sleep. Aunt Ruth was the one who made that international call to Cambodia. She said Nanna was fine during dinner time the night before but when the morning came and she didn't take the dog out, Ruth checked on her and found that she was already gone.

Yvonne had had her fair share of death. She lost her parents when she was 7 and she did not cry or even asked for an explanation. That was when her Nanna took her in, moving her from London to Hampshire to live with her. Nanna was the one who raised her, supported the decision she made along the way. She was the replacement for her parents that were gone too soon.

Right now, Yvonne wished for her to be able to act like her seven year old self - like none of this was affecting her, to remain as stoic as she continued reminding herself that death was inevitable.

But theory was always so much easier on paper. Yvonne believed this as a part of growing up. When you grew up, you opened up yourself to more possibility as you started to see the world in a different way. It was no longer black and white - there were shades of gray in between those colours. You began to understand things that you did not when you were a kid as the idea of becoming your favourite Disney princess did not sound appealing for you anymore and becoming the villain seemed more tempting. Yes, the cost of growing up was her seven year old self.

But no matter what the cost is, grieving did not get any easier as Yvonne found herself trembling in the middle of this sweltering weather.She had to lean on the wall to get a hold of herself, ignoring the confused look from the Cambodian girl who relayed the phone call to her.

Her Nanna was gone and Yvonne has to be there for her last goodbye _,_ Yvonne thought.

Regaining her composure, she straightened up. Wasting no time, Yvonne headed back to her room to grab her belongings - wallet, passport, and phone. Tuning out the questions addressed to her, she got in the four-wheel drive that would take her to Phnom Penh. UNICEF base camp was located in a remote province northeast of Cambodia called Ratanakiri. Considering the distance between Ratanakiri and the capital, Yvonne needed all the luck she has if she wanted to make it back to the base camp in less than 10 hours.

***

When she returned to the base camp with all the necessary documents needed to take her back to London as soon as possible, it was already past midnight. And since the clinic was situated in the middle of the forest, the road leading there was pitch-black.

Or it was supposed to be, Yvonne mused. As she approached the site, she sensed something was not quite right. She could spot the building in the distance, only this time it was illuminated by something bright. On impulse, Yvonne put the pedal to the metal. Her heart was beating fast as her mind conjured up endless list of worst case scenario. But nothing would prepare her for what she saw once she parked the jeep.

Yvonne could barely make out the clinic as it was now already engulfed by smoke and flame. Thick smokes filled the air, darkening the night even further.

She whirled her head around, taking notice of the chaos on her surroundings. Some were screaming frantically. While others trying to taking control of the whole situation, finding way to fight the inferno – but to no avail. At this time of the month, the weather in Cambodia is hot and humid. And since this village is in the middle of a drought, water is such a rare commodity.

There’s no way they could summon enough water to put off the fire. By the time they had enough water; all that remain will only dust. Those children were still trapped inside. Judging by the fire, the amount of oxygen inside the building would not be sufficient to support their systems. They are dying.

Knowing their time is ticking now, Yvonne sprinted towards the crumbling building. She did not listen to people who finally noticed her return, yelling at her, not allowing her to enter the building.

Inside the clinic was unbearable, Yvonne felt her entire body would melt anytime soon. Inhaling a lungful of air, Yvonne braved herself to enter the premise further. It was faint, but she could hear them. Those children were crying for help. For somebody to reach out, take their arms, and pulled them out of the fire.

“ _Hang in there. I am coming to get you out_ ,” Yvonne yelled out in Khmer. Talking with them in their native language always help in calming those children down. Let’s hope it has the same function now.

Yvonne did not know how far she was in the fire now. The smoke seared her eyes, she was losing her vision. Everything in front of her was a blur, visibility now close to zero. As she struggled to get more oxygen, acrid smoke filled her lungs.

Still dead set on her mission to save the children, Yvonne kept on crawling, desperately trying to find their location. But the fire beat her into it as the ferocious flame with life on its own itched closer to her, limiting her movement. She panicked, her heart palpitating. Searing heat made her difficult to breathe. Every breath she took now only added the burning sensation on her lungs. It did not take long for her consciousness to slip out of her body, but those agonized screaming still echoing from deep inside the blaze.

***

Five children were found dead inside the premise when they finally put out the fire and there were at least dozen of them who suffered a burn from various degrees. Some did not survive while some had to live forever with the scar that will continuously remind them of that night.

That was what Greta told her. Greta also told her that Yvonne has been unconscious for almost 12 hours and apologized for telling her aunt everything. Greta then hesitated, saying initially they thought she would not make it.

Yvonne did not blame her of course. Usually people whose brain oxygen levels have been low for longer than eight hours have a poorer prognosis. She was very fortunate indeed.

Or not. Maybe dead would be a better option, Yvonne mused after she made her round on the emergency clinic for the victims and their family.

Every time she passed them, the parents scowled at her. They pointed a finger at her, murmuring, talking behind her back. And there’s that woman whose child died in the fire. She lunged at her, almost tackling her to the ground. That woman screamed at her face. She called her using all the curse words in Khmer that Yvonne barely understood before switching to English and Yvonne heard that word. Loud and clear.

That word hit her like a freight train. She was numb. Yvonne did not put up a fight, she did not want to. If that mother wanted to kill her right there using her bare hands, she would allow her. An eye for an eye, they said. But her lucky star never left her. She was saved once again by Heath and the other people there who helped him pulled the mother away from the doctor.

“It was her night shift. Yvonne was supposed to be there. But as soon as she heard her grandmother’s death, she fled from her responsibility. Sure, she is grieving but that doesn’t give her the permission to abandon her job here,” Yvonne caught Diana and Professor Gibson involved in a one-way argument that night.

Her professor did not utter a word, causing Diana to raise her voice

“Gibson, why do you keep on defending her? Do you see yourself in her? Thanks to her idiotic act now this trip was being put under investigation! This trip will end sooner than you think!” With that Diana stormed out of the room. She didn’t catch Yvonne who was hiding in the shadows.

Their words only fuel Yvonne’s will even further. She had to take care of things and it had to be done as quickly as possible. When the night came, Yvonne found herself standing in front of Professor Gibson’s room, with a stack of paper on her left hand.

She knocked the door, and heard the professor’s gruff voice, ordering her to enter the room.

“My apologies, Professor, but I can’t be on this team anymore. They are right. I was the one who killed those children. I should have left a message so someone can be a substitute on that night. But I didn’t because I let my heart cloud my mind. I can’t stay, Professor. I need to go back to London. It’s the best for me, and that’s the least I can do for the team now,” Yvonne handed over her resignation letter.

Professor Gibson stared at her hand then up to her face. Her glassy eyes, almost bloodshot after all the tears she shed. Her hands were shaky, still waiting Gibson to accept the letter.

Gibson finally took the letter, “Did you get any sleep, Yvonne?”

“I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, I can hear their voices again. They haunt me. I can feel it all, that burning feeling inside my chest, the heat from the fire as they inched closer to me. The heat from the fire as they inched closer to me,” Yvonne wrapped her hands around her body as an attempt to pull herself together.

“Have a seat first, Yvonne.”

“I have to be at the airport tonight,” Yvonne took a step back.

“What are you gonna do, Yvonne?” Professor Gibson didn’t stop her from leaving the place

Instead of answering the question, Yvonne dared herself to ask, “Will they let me back at King’s?”

“I know your license has been suspended and it will remain that way until they finished investigating this case. But I will make sure you’ll still be working there. You have my words,” He locked eyes with her, giving her a reassuring nod.

Yvonne mumbled her gratitude and exited the room. Without looking back, she left them all behind, hoping that would be enough for her to be at ease and to forget it all at once.

***

The first thing Yvonne did after she landed at Southampton Airport was grabbing a cab and heading straight to the cemetery.

“I am sorry I missed your funeral. There was an accident and I had to finish some stuff back at Cambodia,” Yvonne said, her hand caressing the headstone.

“Nanna, you told me you don’t believe in heaven or hell. But can I just ask you something. Wherever you’re now, if you ever met those children,” Yvonne paused, her voice was breaking, “You know those I told you whenever I called you, especially those at Ratanakiri. Please tell them I am sorry. I truly am.”

“It was never in my intention to let that fire to happen, Nanna. I will never do that. Tell them, I am sorry.”

Her body slumped next to the headstone, tears streaming down her face.

Yvonne broke the silence. “I haven’t talked to anyone but I’m thinking to continue my surgical training. Maybe one day I can be real surgeon. Who knows, right? Although I am positive they won’t allow me to be a paediatric surgeon, especially after I’ve done.”

“Never forget that I love you, Nanna. You rest well. And tell mum and dad their daughter missed them so much,” Yvonne stood up, laying the bucket of white carnation on the headstone. She kissed that headstone one last time then walked back to her cab.

* * *

**July 2013**

After a prolonged therapy session, Yvonne finally got her license back to work at King’s. Unfortunately, it was not the same anymore.

Yvonne could do her usual round at ease, seeing her patients and dealing with paperwork. But when it came to the paediatric ward, she lost it. She was distant with the younger patients. Sometimes even her body was shaking, as if her confidence had left her body.

And those talking and whispers behind Yvonne’s back were not helping. Her colleagues knew what she had done, what happened to her because words got around. Her PTSD, anxiety problem, panic attack, depression, nervous broke down. That accident caused her colleague to set her apart. They were judging her, scrutinizing even the slightest movement she made at the ward.

Because there was not a better story than a prodigy with a promising future but then she had to lose everything at the snap of a finger. In no time, Yvonne was becoming the talk of the hospital and she could not stand it.

To top it all, that fire still haunt her. Yvonne had tried every method she could think off to help her sleep. Cutting off her caffeine intake, continuing her surgical training, burying her nose in every text books she could get her hands on, even a midnight run around the Heath – but none of that was working for her, and to the point Yvonne had to beg her psychologist to prescribe her with sleeping pills that would not clash with her other medications.

Although at first Margot and Isaac were against her decision to start consuming those pills, they finally came to agreement and decided to keep a watchful eye on Yvonne, in case she began to go off the rail. Yvonne meanwhile continued to work her ass off with her core surgical training, cramping her schedule with classes more than the usual load, memorizing new procedures and techniques in every chance she got.

This was her attempt in distracting herself, avoiding her real issue. Her psychologist frowned at her, didn’t approve Yvonne’s course of action. But Yvonne replied with a shrug, she couldn’t care less. The medications worked so far, and her core surgical training was moving faster than the others. Did those voices finally stop haunting her or did she merely get used to them – Yvonne wasn’t exactly sure. She saw no point in asking those questions over and over again. After months struggling in a dark place, her life was finally shaping up. Things were definitely looking brighter. For now.

 


End file.
